Godspot

To Godspot Readers

2009-11-14T12:26:00.005-07:00

Godspot is now under renovation. In it's place, an exciting new website is coming.

Tattered Couch

Un-religious Jesus Talk -- for the space where you live.

Own Your Own Spirituality

http://www.tatteredcouch.com/

will be launching

February 2010.

Stay Tuned. In the meantime, feel free to browse back and make use of any past Godspot posts or video resources. See you in February!!

Kleigh

Storm

2009-10-09T20:53:00.011-06:00

This song is about faith in something unseen. It's about a choice to step out with belief, and walk on water during a storm. In it, I hear a quiet hope that darkness will be turned to light, even in life's hardest seasons. For me, this is the best kind of honest cry to God. It speaks a heartfelt need that drives toward what Jesus offers.

Maybe Lighthouse didn't mean it that way. Maybe you think I'm making a very big leap. But that's where I take it. That's how I sing it. You decide ...

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright
And know everything is allright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright

And know everything is allright
Everything is allright

Everything is allright

Lifehouse, All rights Rerserved.

No infringement intended.

Back to the Red Letters

2009-09-15T19:55:00.009-06:00

It's been too long. 'Very sorry. Thanks for checking back in so faithfully. I'm back on the Godspot blog path again!

Red Letters. In keeping with my blog quest to keep you in touch with direct Jesus quotes, today, another story. This is another illustration, this time the image is a coin. Jesus uses a lost coin (possibly an inheritance or only the only money of a poor woman) to draw a picture of God's heart for people. It describes His persistent pursuit of people who are separated from Him.

It's a short little story, but try to think about knowing someone who told you a story like this. Who talks about angels? Who actually claims to know what happens in heaven when someone decides to turn their life around and 'repents' to God? Who could honestly assert these things as truth?

Reading a story like this starts to force a choice about Jesus -- either this guy was a total nutcase, a big fat liar, or exactly who he said he was. It's worth deciding.

What do you see in this little picture? Since it's so short, read it a couple times. And read it again. See if anything pops out at you about how Jesus is describing God's pursuing heart.

Today's Story:

The Lost Coin

"Or suppose a woman has ten valuable silver coins and loses one. Won't she light a lamp and look in every corner of the house and sweep every nook and cranny until she finds it? And when she finds it, she will call in her friends and neighbors to rejoice with her because she has found her lost coin. In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God's angels when even one sinner repents."

This story is found in the Bible, in Luke, chapter 15.

To Forgive

2009-09-01T07:31:00.004-06:00

This short film spotlights forgiveness in one interaction. Here, a son confronts his imprisoned father with hard truth. The snapshot ends with the last words written by a slain VA Tech student.

I'll give you a little warning about the heavy emotional content of this clip. You may want to hold off on watching it if you're sitting in a public office cubicle. But it's worth making some space to think about. Because, in this artists point of view, we see the weighty cost of forgiving. I think this little message points to the weight of a Christ Followers freedom. It's ultimately found in understanding our conviction -- due penalty. I think the best part of truly believing Jesus is the awesome realization that a judicial verdict has been cleared.

That's what Christians understand as the forgiveness given by God, through Jesus. We are all in prison until we hear hard truth about ourselves, embrace it, and find our one means for true release, forgiveness and redemption. And, somehow, that's the place from which we draw the power to turn around forgive the people in our lives. Being forgiven brings a mighty sense of gratitude and love. It changes a life.

Here's one artist's perspective on the subject. Give it a look... and feel free to make a comment.

Kleigh

(Thanks Roy, for sending this along!)

Faith Like a Trampoline

2009-08-22T05:13:00.007-06:00

The following post is from our new GodSpot blog contributor, Laura Parker. Laura has a calm sensiblity about her faith and often finds herself in conversation with friends about issues of spirituality and belief. I appreciate her perspective and am glad she's a willing contributor to Godspot. After you read her post about Trampolines and Faith, go browse her blogCereal for Dinner.

Faith Like a Trampoline

As my friends and I have been talking about faith and what you really have to believe in order to follow Jesus with your life, I was reminded ofRob Bell's book Velvet Elvis. In the first chapter, he talks about faith in terms of brick walls and trampolines. Read for yourself this excerpts from the first chapter:

"When we jump, we begin to see the need for springs. The springs helpmake sense of these deeper realities that drive how we live every day. The springs aren't God. The springs aren't Jesus. The springs are statements and beliefs about our faith that help give words to thedepth that we are experiencing in our jumping. I would call these the doctrines of the Christian faith.

They aren't the point.

They help us understand the point, but they are a means and not an end. We take them seriously, and at the same time we keep them in proper perspective. . .

It hit me while I was watching that for him (a man giving a lecture on the six-day literal creation) faith isn't a trampoline; it's a wall of bricks. Each of the core doctrines for him is like an individual brick that stacks on top of the others. If you pull one out, the whole wall starts to crumble. It appears quite strong and rigid, but if you begin to rethink or discuss even one brick, the whole thing is in danger . . .

One of the thing that happens in brickworld: you spend a lot of time talking about how right you are. Which of course leads to how wrongeverybody else is. Which then leads to defending the wall. It struck me reading the letter that you rarely defend a trampoline. You invite people to jump on it with you.

I am far more interested in jumping that I am in arguing about whosetrampoline is better. You rarely defend the things you love. You enjoythem and tell others about them and invite others to enjoy them with you.

Jesus invites everybody to jump.

And saying yes to the invitation doesn't mean we have to have it all figure out. This is an important thing to remember: I can jump and still have questions and doubts. I often meet people who are waiting to follow God until they have all their questions answered. They will be waiting for a long time, because if we knew everything, we'd be . . . God. So in the invitation to jump is an invitation to follow Jesus with all of our doubts and questions right there with us. "

rob bell, velvet elvis, pgs. 22-28

I am learning that faith is less about having the rigid brick wall all figured out and more about just choosing to get on the trampoline and jump, experiencing and living the Way of Jesus in the world. I am learning that the details of what you believe are much less important than simply enjoying a relationship with this God. In essence, I'm learning that jumping is leagues better than brick-laying.

If you haven't read Velvet Elvis yet, it's definitely worth your time. It is an authentic, outside-the-box look at Christian spirituality that rings true on so many levels.

~Laura Parker

25 Attributes

2009-08-21T11:02:00.008-06:00

Today... a list. It's pretty simple. The following 25 attributes are ascribed to God in the Bible. (I'm including the addresses, so you can look them up and find the whole direct quote for yourself, if you want. 'Up to you. )

One at a time, each description gives another shade of the God of the Bible. Altogether, they begin to form a bigger picture. What do you see

God Is...
1. All Knowing Hebrews 4:12-13

2. All Powerful Revelation 19:6

3. Eternal Psalm 90:1-2

4. Ever Present Psalm 139:7-12

5. Faithful Psalm 46:1-2

6. Father John 20:17

7. Good Psalm 52:1

8. Full of Grace Ephesians 2:8-9

9. Holy Levitius 19:2

10. Immense 1 Kings 8:27

11. Infinite Psalm 102:24-26

12. Jealous Exodus 20:5

13. Just Isaiah 45:21

14. Full of Kindness Psalm 36:7

15. Long-Suffering 2 Peter 3:9

16. Self-Existent Exodus 3:14

17. Merciful 2 Chronicles 30:9

18. Patient Psalm 145:8

19. Wrathful Romans 1:18

20. Sovereign Psalms 100:3, 103:19

21. Spirit John 4:24

22. Truth John 14:6

23. Unchangeable Malachi 3:6; James 1:17

24. Unity Deuteronomy 6:4

25. Loving John 3:14-18

List from, "Find it in the Bible: Lists, Lists, and more Lists" by Bob Philips

Howard Publ. Co., 2004

In His Own Words

2009-08-04T10:24:00.007-06:00

More "I AM" words from Jesus.

The following statements were made conversationally. They aren't set in the same kind of 'stories' found in the last "I AM" post. However, they are still quotes from Jesus, describing himself. Each one has a context that's worth reading more fully. (If you're interested, I encourage you to find a group for discussion, or someone who knows the setting of each conversation. It's pretty compelling stuff).

The list below is no different than when I choose to describe myself. When I say, "I am... " I will finish that sentence with things like -- a writer, a Goodwill shopper, a Jesus Follower, a gardener, a hiker, a mom, or a wife. Collectively each word I choose gives you a better sense of who I am, even if you haven't met me personally. In the same way, taken as smaller bytes the Jesus words below fill in a better sketch of the man who was claiming to be God. We get a sense of him, even though we didn't get to meet him 'personally.'

What do you see about Jesus in these words?

I am. Mark 14:16-21; Matthew 27:43; Luke 22:70; John 10:36

I am with you always. Matthew 28:20

I am willing. Matthew 8:3

I am gentle. Matthew 11:29

I am in the Father. John 14:11

I am a King. John 18:37

I am He who lives. Revelation 1:17

I am the Alpha and the Omega. Revelation 1:8

I am from above. John 8:23

I AM

2009-08-02T04:17:00.001-06:00

In His own words, Jesus described himself in a series of "I am..." stories. Each one painted a picture and gives explanation for who He claimed to be. The religious leaders of his day were enraged by these descriptions because they all point to one thing -- equality with God. Jesus spoke it in many ways so as to be understood from many points of view. He said "I AM" in a way that was clearly understood to mean, "I am God."

Seven 'I AMs" of Jesus

The place in the Bible where the entire stories can be found are listed as well.

1. I am the bread of life. (John 6:35)

2. I am the light of the world. (John 8:12)

3. I am the door. (John 10:9)

4. I am the good shepherd. (John 10:11)

5. I am the resurrection and the life. (John 11:25)

6. I am the way, the truth, and the life. (John 14:6)

7. I am the vine. (John 15:1,5)

"How do I find it?"

Finding stuff in the Bible can be tricky. It's one book made up of 66 individual books that span over history. So, when you're looking at a reference or address like "John 14:6" here's what you do.

Table of Contents. Look in the front of a Bible for the Table of Contents. Find the book: "John"
Book. Go to that page. (After a while, some people decide to memorize the list of books so it's faster and more convenient to flip to a passage.)
Chapter. The numbers after John are the chapter and verses. So, John 14:6 is chapter 14 verse 6. Flip through John to find a big "14."
Verse. Scan down the littler numbers in 14 to find "6".
There you have it!

Red Letter Stories

2009-07-30T04:27:00.020-06:00

In the course of many faith conversations, I've observed a pattern. People typically spend a lot more time talking about what they think Jesus said than actually reading what he actually did say. Second-hand hearsay is pretty common. I recognize the following prefaces to statements about Jesus:

"I remember that a Nun once told our class ... "

"I read it somewhere that ... "

"My Mom used to tell me ... "

The Source. It makes sense. We look to our past, or people we respect, or books, or the internet for answers. Fact is, the best source is a primary source. In mountain living terms, that means stream water is always coldest and most pure when it's closest to the snowmelt source. In terms of investigating a faith system, it's always best to go directly to the source of the faith. I'm convinced that the best place to get a solid understanding about Christianity is to directly check out the person Jesus. Before making any choices, it's important to read his actual words -- hear his stories.

Red Letters. With that in mind, I'm going to start posting excerpts from the Bible which are direct quotes of Jesus. The red letters are words that Jesus was known to have spoken. For the record, they aren't mystical spells or codes because they're red. It just makes it easier to see that it's a quote. According to Christ Followers, those quotes are primary source information. It's the stuff we have to reckon with, if we want to really live and understand this faith.

Today's Story. To start, I'm posting a relatively well-known story about a son who rebelliously wanders away from his home and squanders his inheritance. There are a lot of things in this story that cause some big questions. Family dynamics were apparently just as messy 2000 years ago. It's a story worth picking apart, wrestling over, and talking about. (That's why I think the Bible is best experienced in groups and dialogue.)

I love what this story reveals about Jesus. He's telling this story in response to the criticism of 'religious' people. Judgmental people of religion followed him around, but were ticked that Jesus kept hanging out with "sinners" like prostitutes and tax collectors. Jesus was drawn to be with the people who truly needed him -- to lost and honestly broken people -- not to proud I-have-all-the-answers-and do-all-the-right-things type people. He welcomed wandering people into his life. This story kind of puts his overly religious followers in their place. It paints a picture of what God cares about.

Questions. Pay the most attention to the Father's response to the Prodigal Son.

Does the Father character care more about the behavior or the heart of the lost son?
What happens when something lost is found?

Those answers carry the point of Jesus' story.

This story is captured in the book of Luke, in the Bible. The red letters are words that Jesus was known to have spoken. Many people during that time would have recognized this story as his. We know it as 'The Prodigal."

___________________________________________________________________

Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach.

This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such despicable people--even eating with them!

... To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: "A man had two sons.

The younger son told his father, `I want my share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.' So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and took a trip to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him to feed his pigs.

The boy became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

"When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, `At home even the hired men have food enough to spare, and here I am, dying of hunger!

I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired man." '

"So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.

"But his father said to the servants, `Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet.

And kill the calf we have been fattening in the pen. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.' So the party began.

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on.

`Your brother is back,' he was told, `and your father has killed the calf we were fattening and has prepared a great feast. We are celebrating because of his safe return.' "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, `All these years I've worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends.

Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have.' "His father said to him, `Look, dear son, you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!' "

From The Bible, New Living Translation

The book of Luke, chapter 15, verses 1,2, 11-32

A Beauty's Prison

2009-07-28T05:14:00.000-06:00

Ashley grew up surrounded by football and beauty pageants. A consuming need for perfection sent her into a dark spiral of body image secrets. Challenged by a verse in the Bible that claimed her body was a temple, she began to let it all go.

After a long process of walking away from her obsession and walking toward God instead ... she can say she is healthy now.

www.iamsecond.com

Sunday

2009-07-26T05:02:00.002-06:00

"Sometimes we have to stop and ask, 'Why do we do what we do?'
... God doesn't want empty ritual. God wants our hearts."

~Rob Bell
Nooma 004

Free Market Jesus

2009-07-25T05:43:00.000-06:00

More from Donald Miller. I follow what he's saying. Can you tell? He has good honest thoughts on what it means to be a Christ Follower. Here, he talks about Spirituality the way Jesus defines it. Food for thought ...

The Open Table

2009-07-23T17:38:00.004-06:00

Donald Miller, author of awesome spiritual books like 'Blue Like Jazz' and 'Searching for God Knows What,' has put together a book called "The Open Table." It is made up of vignettes about Jesus. Check this out. Would you join a group like this? Interested?

From My Point of View

2009-06-24T08:53:00.012-06:00

I wrote this post back in January, during a spiritual fall-out after the New Year holidays. Here in June, at the half-way point of 2009, it's still relevant. So ... for today, some thoughts from my P.O.V., about prayer.

~Kleigh

Prayer and the Entourage

Last week, as the new year turned, I grabbed hold of an important concept. I’d been half-heartedly following it around for a couple days, like a wayward butterfly that wouldn’t be captured. I was unable to grab it and make it mine. Today, it fluttered by, and the net came down. I got it. And in only a couple of hours, I am changed by it. Today’s pursuit of that elusive little truth was about conversation. It was about prayer. And it caused a complete180 degree turn in my attitude and direction.

A Slow Slide. I’ve been walking away from God for several weeks. By that I mean, I stopped communicating -- the same way we all stop talking, at times, with people we care about. I hadn’t even realized my focus had changed. It was a slow slide of small choices. The crazy distractions of the holidays are only partly to blame. My inner compass shifted and landed me in inner chaos.

I have a morning routine that helps keep me focussed. My daily 'time out' doesn't always look the same, but it is a needed sanity in my life. That time reminds me about larger things like God's ability, and my dependence. That time reminds me to open my clenched fist and release things I have no business owning. That time reminds me I'm in a real relationship with an invisible Deity. But, lazy sleep conquered my morning alarm, and stole that time away. My spiritual start of the day disappeared; day after day, no Bible meditation, no prayer, no journal. Losing that necessary anchor in my life, I stopped listening to sacred ancient Words, and started listening to myself. I stopped talking to God and started talking, and even worse, listening to my entourage.
.
I have an entourage. It’s not the same as the HBO series, Entourage. Mine doesn’t involve a hot New York actor surrounded by his childhood friends. In that show, the main character is navigating the unfamiliar terrain of Hollywood. My entourage is very different. But in a small sense there’s a similarity. I’m like the actor who is walking an uncharted life with his ever-present group. I have uncharted territory. I have an ever-present group. Except, I need to ignore mine.

Not to sound too crazy, but my entourage isn’t real people. It is voices. Some people call the same thing “old tapes” that replay themselves. I have one friend who calls them “The Committee.” We're all talking about the same thing. These are the voices of self-lies, old patterns, past failures, temptations, and weaknesses. They are the remnants of life-events that God has used to let me fail, and bleed, and learn. The members of my entourage are all ‘bad ju-ju’. They walk behind me, and always with me -- like Golum always behind Frodo, in Lord of the Rings, or John Nash's constant invisible companions in A Beautiful Mind.

They pretend to be allies, but they aren't. And if I chose to listen to them, or worse, to believe them, I end-up being mean, unfaithful, dishonest, paralyzed by fear, or driven by shame. Misdirected. It's the truth.

The good news is: They are conquered. They are all weaker than me, and silenced. I am no longer a slave to their voices. In different ways, God’s Spirit has delivered me from the power of my entourage, one by one. But they have not disappeared. They still follow. In strong times, they have no audience with me. They are silent and subdued companions. In weak times, they move in close. I liken it to second-hand smoke for a smoker. When a vulnerable moment shows itself, their lighters come out, and the pipes are lit with a sweet clove vanilla smoke. It floats under the locked doors in my mind, and I smell it. Usually I’m not lured to sit down, inhale, and start up a conversation with the smokers.

But, in disconnected times, when I stop talking to God, I forget. I forget why the entourage was banished from my attention. I forget that they are liars and they do their best to derail me. And if I forget, I am vulnerable. I smell the second-hand smoke and recognize the familiar voices, and invite them to join me as I walk. I start to inhale their poison. In a biblical sense, my flesh starts getting my attention, my conversation, my heart. In reality, in a day, that means my walking conversation is with my Entourage instead of God. Which is a heartbreaking reality, especially when I think about the fact that God’s Spirit – my spiritual companion and counselor -- is right there, listening to me talk to 'the guys', and not Him. And, the fallout is pretty nasty.

My focus, becomes my self. I start seeking my own counsel, and the counselors are warped. Family issues arise and I start working it all out in my head, playing out what needs to be done, on my own. I find myself rehearsing conversations in the shower. Or, hashing and re-hashing my past mistakes, as though they can be undone. The smoke I'm inhaling is shame, and I start listening to myself about how messed up I am. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not, not, not … blah, blah, blah. Sometimes, in response, like a sick and well-rehearsed play, the temptations light up and blow sweet smoke about how to escape from all this misery. My inner reality warps like a melting mirror and life starts to feel hopeless and chaotic. I start to feel far from God.
.
But He didn't move. I did. In those times, my focus and direction it’s all about who I believe. And that's all about who I’m talking to, and listening to. And the answer is as simple. So, when I finally sat down the other day, to "time out" myself and meditate, the simplest thing shook me. Somehow, inaudibly but clearly, I heard some voice ask me, "Who are you talking to?" It felt more like a thought than something spoken. And my answer was clear. I've been talking to my self ... to the Entourage. And it was painfully clear, I have to start a different conversation.

'Talk to the Hand.' So, at the kitchen sink, in the bathroom, in the car, outside in the yard, at my in-law's house, I've re-started the conversation in the right direction. I've stopped myself, and told the entourage to 'shut it' and 'talk to the hand.' My thoughts and words are headed to my higher Power, and it has been shocking to realize the difference. My heart feels softer somehow. I have more peace. And it's just about simple attention. It's just prayer. That's all.

A monastic writer named Brother Lawrence wrote this and it nutshells this whole idea:

"I keep myself by a simple attention ... or to put it another way, a habitual silent, and secret conversation of the soul with God."

I'm not an expert at this by any means. But given the change in my countenance, even with my clutsy attempts at consistent prayer, I highly recommend it. In everyday moments when there's an inner battle threatening to take you down, tell your 'entourage' to 'talk to the hand.' Redirect your inner conversation in a better direction.
"Who are you listening to?"

"Who are you talking to?"
Turns out, it matters.
.

Written by Kleigh 1.09

Quote from Brother Lawrence, "Practicing the Presence of God." ___________________________________________________________________

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down."

(The Bible 'the message' version -- phil 4:6-7)

"and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and minds in Jesus."

(The Bible 'NIV' version phil 4:7)

Rain

2009-06-24T05:18:00.000-06:00

Things dont always work out the way we want them to, or the way we think they will. Sometimes we dont even see it coming. We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless. Thats the way life is. Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us. How God can just stand by and watch us suffer. Where is God when it really hurts? Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think. Maybe its when were in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much he really loves us.
~ Rob Bell

Nooma / Rain

A Soldier's Story

2009-06-23T08:50:00.000-06:00

www.iamsecond.com

Father Figure

2009-06-17T08:26:00.000-06:00

Shannon Culpepper is like a lot of young women. Her absent father left her with a blind spot in life. It wasn't until she ended up in a rough & controlling relationship as and adult that she realized her wounds as a child. She came to see that was looking for a father figure. Check out this 'I am Second' story of what she found.

www.iamsecond.com

Art Imitates Life

2009-06-16T05:15:00.002-06:00

"Fill."

This watercolor artist expresses the filling of a broken vessel. The clay cracks prohibit the watery contents from being completely contained. The pouring continues and a dribbling leak becomes a cascading spill.

The spill causes the pot to fall into the water. The jar is no longer stable or upright. It begins to sink. The sinking appears to be the end of the clay jar. When, in fact, total submergence will mean its true filling. In submergence, cracks no longer have the power to cause a leak or impede the jar's purpose. When the process is complete, the jar is not only full but inhabitted, saturated and surrounded by what it was made to contain.

This picture is a paradox. It expresses the uncomfortable tension that is rooted in my faith and belief. In order for a faulty physical vessel to contain something holy, something has to change. One life must be lost, before a truly filled life can be found.
.
.
"Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it. "
~Jesus
.

Back at It

2009-06-14T18:03:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends.

Godspot took a blog's backseat during May. And now, we're back on the road! If you are one of the faithful who keep checking in, THANK YOU, and welcome back! You can expect more regular posts through the summer. Here we go ...

Today's post is an excerpt from a teaching by Francis Chan. He's a teaching pastor at Cornerstone Church in Simi, CA. He's also got a videoblog www.francischansblog.blogspot.com and a short movie www.juststopandthink.com. Chan has a real passion to speak and live what it means to have relationship with God. His faith includes a dynamic of interaction and pursuit... what he calls 'Intimacy with God.' This little clip gives you a taste of what he wants to share.

~Kleigh

Off the Field

2009-04-27T08:18:00.004-06:00

Josh Hamilton was a 25 year old baseball player with a washed-up career, a lost sense in life, and addiction. Now, after a spiritual revolution, and a career comeback with the Texas Rangers, he talks about two significant dreams, and his need for God. Another in the series of "I am Second" stories.

~Kleigh

www.iamsecond.com

Faith Story

2009-04-16T11:00:00.005-06:00

Jason Castro is a quiet dread-locked musician who landed in the reality TV spotlight on American Idol, in 2008. This is his very soft-spoken story about music, faith, and pursuit of God. I like his description of what it means to be a "Servant of All." Give it a look.
~Kleigh

From http://www.iamsecond.com/

Breathe

2009-04-03T12:14:00.002-06:00

Interesting thoughts on the way we take in life, breath ... and JAWEH.

_______________________________________
Rob Bell
Breathe
Nooma
http://www.nooma.com/

Why Godspot?

2009-04-03T11:47:00.003-06:00

If you're new to the site, and wondering about the name, here's your answer:

Some of my cool artist friends got to using the term to describe a certain kind of personal space. It's the kind of place you go when you're looking to get focused, or find answers in life. Since we live in the mountains, we'd choose a Godspot with with a great view. But wherever it is, yours is a spot that you go alone, and return to; a place that leads you to think larger, to stop, breathe, and pray. That's the kind of place we named a "Godspot."
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I've since come to find out, it's also a theater word. A "godspot" is a stage lighting effect. The effect is created using a powerful spotlight placed directly above the stage shining almost straight down. The light is bright white and is usually directed downwards to hit a single actor, or a huddled group, or nothing. Usually there is some mysterious dry-ice smoke swirling down on the stage and through the beams of light. The effect is meant to suggest that God is present and directly watching the scenes proceeding below.
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So this blog is a godspot. I like to think it's a stage with a spotlight that suggests God is present and powerful. This Godspot is a place with a view to return to; a place to stop, breathe, and think larger... about real life faith, and the questions and struggles that come with it.
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I know a lot of my friends would choose to bring a different faith to their godspot. So, all faith questions and conversation are welcome here. Truly. To avoid any confusion though, I go to my godspot as a Jesus-Follower. That core faith is how I focus, and center, and get my breath back when life knocks the wind out of me. So I'll be posting very honest bottomline stuff about the how's and what's of this Jesus faith. That's what you can expect.
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If you want to check out Jesus, you've probably landed yourself in the right Godspot.

Real Freedom

2009-03-31T16:09:00.004-06:00

Brian Phillip Welch is better known as "Head." He's best known as the former lead guitarist of the band KORN. (My sons know who he is). He was a major influence in the rise of "nu metal" music. Welch left the band in 2005 due to differing beliefs in the band. He left, to focus on life as a father. And in the process, he gained a story. It's a story full of sex and drugs... love, freedom, and Jesus.

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest."

~Jesus

from http://www.iamsecond.com/
Check it out...

Penn Gets a Bible

2009-02-18T09:01:00.008-07:00

A Video Blog Entry

Penn -- atheist, Vegas Magician partner of "Penn & Teller" -- talks plainly about receiving a Bible after a show. Penn was clearly moved by the heart of the person who gave him that Bible ... there's something to think about, in the blog of this magician.

His face in the screen below looks funky. But, click on the center to get a better, post-show picture as Penn talks to his little hand-held camera in his dressing room. And, go ahead, feel free to leave a comment about what you hear in his thoughts.

A Riddle and A Question

2009-02-18T08:24:00.016-07:00

k. leigh 2.09

Life and Death. In my faith, there is one very foundational idea. It is the belief that Jesus Christ conquered death; that he was brutally executed, but came back to life. It's a crazy notion, I admit. But, when you really read the eyewitness accounts of it all for yourself, it's even more astounding. This idea demands any thinking person to make a rational choice about whether this is a true claim or not. I love how Bono (as in U2, not Sonny) puts it.

"I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked:

Who is this Jesus? Was he who he said he was, or was he just a nut?

... that's the question."
~Bono

Moments of death really force all sorts of questions, and introspection. Death makes you think about life, eternity, and spiritual things. I've been thinking this way since last week. I traveled to the east coast, to say good-bye. I got to sit in a sacred place and hold a hand. I watched my Grampa die. And in that process of waiting and holding, life and death took on a different perspective. I was reminded about that foundational idea of Christ Following. I was reminded of the boldest claims from Jesus about life and death.

This is a direct quote from him. It's a part of a conversation. He's talking to the sister of one of his best friends. His friend Lazarus, had just died.

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the Resurrection and the life.

He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;

and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

Do you believe this?'"

~Jesus

That is an audacious statement. His assertion: to believe in him is to die and live; to live and never die. It's a very big claim. And, I love how he follows it up with a question: "Do you believe this?" he says. It's like he knows this is such a bizarre thing to claim. And it's like he wants to give us a little time to raise our eyebrow and look at him a little suspiciously. He allows for conversation about it. And the way it reads on the page, it's like he's talking out of the book, into the future. It's like he's expecting us, in the 21st century, to interact, to answer the question for ourselves. And really, everybody has to answer for themselves. We all do. Nobody answers faith questions for anybody else. Jesus asks, "Do you believe this?"

Another time he asks his friend Peter, "What about you, who do you say I am?" And it's the same deal. He's asking Peter. That's clear. But, it sure reads like he's fast-forwarding right into our living rooms and asking us the same question. "What about you, who do you say I am?"

So, today's riddle and question are about life and death. They are actual Jesus words.

Food for thought:

"He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;
and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

"Do you believe this?"

____________________________

These quotes and stories are found in the Bible -- in John, Chapter 11 (verse 25) and Mark Chapter 9.

Got an Opinion about it?

Make a comment! I'd love to hear from you...

Religion or Jesus?

2009-02-18T08:15:00.004-07:00

In this video, Randall Niles looks like he is dressed for a children's show. But underneath the wild shirt, he has a point to consider about faith. In this clip, Randall tosses out a key idea about tolerance of various "religions" and a real relationship with Jesus. Worth considering...
What is Christian Religion?

If you want to dig deeper, there are more videos like this one at:
http://www.allaboutgod.com/

God on One Page

2009-01-21T08:31:00.005-07:00

James Choung is a thinker. He's also guy who likes to explain things. So, when he decided to find a way to explain the bottom-line of God's Story, he widdled it down to a diagram that will fit on a napkin. That way, he can speak the reason for the hope that's inside of him, anywhere he goes. Check it out. What do you think?

Prayer and the Entourage

2009-01-12T10:17:00.023-07:00

k. leigh 1.09

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Thinking about Real Life Faith ...

Sometimes the simplest truths are the most radically life-changing.

Last week, as the new year turned, I laid hold of one. I’d been half-heartedly following it around for a couple days, like a wayward butterfly that wouldn’t be captured. I was unable to grab it and make it mine. Today, it fluttered by, and the net came down. I got it. And in only a couple of hours, I am changed by it. Today’s pursuit of that elusive little truth was about conversation.

It was about prayer.

And it caused a complete180 degree turn in my direction.

I’ve been walking away from God for several weeks. I hadn’t even realized my direction had changed. The crazy distractions of the holidays are only partly to blame. A slow slide of my own small lazy choices was what shifted my inner compass and landed me in inner chaos. I lost a necessary morning routine that keeps me focused.

My morning meditation, my daily 'time out' is a needed sanity in my life. That time reminds me about larger things like God's ability, and my dependence. That time reminds me to open my clenched fist and release things I have no business owning. That time reminds me I'm in a real relationship with an invisible Deity. But, sleep conquered my morning alarm, and stole that time away. My spiritual start of the day disappeared; day after day, no Bible meditation, no prayer, no journal. Losing that necessary anchor in my life, I stopped listening to sacred ancient Words, and started listening to myself. I stopped talking to God and started talking, and even worse, listening to my entourage.

I have an entourage. It’s not the same as the HBO series, Entourage. Mine doesn’t involve a hot on-the-rise New York actor surrounded by his childhood friends, navigating the unfamiliar terrain of Hollywood. My entourage is very different than the TV series. But in a small sense there’s a similarity. I’m like the actor who is walking an uncharted life with his ever-present group. I have uncharted territory. I have an ever-present group. Except, I need to ignore mine.

They pretend to be allies, but they aren't. And if I chose to listen to them, or worse, to believe them, I end-up being mean, unfaithful, dishonest, paralyzed by fear, or driven by shame. Misdirected. It's the truth. Ask anybody who spend the first part of Christmas break with me. I was listening to the Entourage, and I was not pleasant to be around.

The good news is: They are conquered. They are all weaker than me, and silenced. I am no longer a slave to their voices. God’s Spirit has delivered me from the power of my entourage, one by one. But they have not disappeared. They still follow.

In strong times, they have no audience with me. They are silent and subdued companions. In weak times, they move in close. I liken it to second-hand smoke for a smoker. When a vulnerable moment shows itself, their lighters come out, and the pipes are lit with a sweet clove vanilla smoke. It floats under the locked doors in my mind, and I smell it. Usually I’m not lured to sit down, inhale, and start up a conversation with the smokers.

My focus, becomes my self. I start seeking my own counsel, and the counselors are warped. Family issues arise and I start working it all out in my head, playing out what needs to be done, on my own. I find myself rehearsing conversations in the shower. Or, hashing and re-hashing my past mistakes, as though they can be undone. The smoke I'm inhaling is shame, and I start listening to myself about how messed up I am. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not, not, not … blah, blah, blah. Sometimes, in response, like a sick and well-rehearsed play, the temptations light up and blow sweet smoke about how to escape from all this misery. My inner reality warps like a melting mirror and life starts to feel hopeless and chaotic. I start to feel far from God.

But He didn't move. I did.

In those times, my focus and direction it’s all about who I believe. And that's all about who I’m talking to, and listening to. And the answer is as simple. So, when I finally sat down the other day, to "time out" myself and meditate, the simplest thing shook me. Somehow, inaudibly but clearly, I heard some voice ask me, "Who are you talking to?" It felt more like a thought than something spoken. And my answer was clear. I've been talking to my self ... to the Entourage. And it was painfully clear, I have to start a different conversation.

'Talk to the Hand.' So, at the kitchen sink, in the bathroom, in the car, outside in the yard, at my in-law's house, I've re-started the conversation in the right direction. I've stopped myself, and told the entourage to 'shut it' and 'talk to the hand.' My thoughts and words are headed to my higher Power, and it has been shocking to realize the difference. My heart feels softer somehow. I have more peace. And it's just about simple attention. It's just prayer. That's all.

A monastic and timeless writer named Brother Lawrence wrote this and it nutshells this whole idea:
"I keep myself by a simple attention ... or to put it another way, a habitual silent, and secret conversation of the soul with God."

I'm not an expert at this by any means. But given the change in my countenance, even with my clutsy attempts at consistent prayer, I highly recommend it. In everyday moments when there's an inner battle threatening to take you down, tell your 'entourage' to 'talk to the hand.' Redirect your inner conversation in a better direction.

"Who are you listening to?"
"Who are you talking to?"

Turns out, it matters.

Written by Kleigh 1.09___________________________________________________________________

"and the peace of God that transcends all understanding
will guard your heart and minds in Jesus."
(The Bible 'NIV' version phil 4:7)

i am second

2009-01-10T09:29:00.005-07:00

Worth checking into....

"i am Second is a movement where significance in life is a shared value among people of all kinds. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Your next-door-neighbor. People like you. Their authentic stories on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. You'll meet people who overcame destructive lifestyles. Plus, you'll discover those who have tried to go it alone and have failed, yet still found a life full of hope, peace, and fulfillment.

i am Second is designed to help people find their purpose in life.

Have you found yours?"

Please go check out this compelling new website.

http://www.iamsecond.com/

It's worth your time.

I promise.

Wondering About God?

2009-01-08T13:45:00.002-07:00

If you want to know truth about God —really know the truth —you can consider yourself to be a spiritual "seeker." That's a great thing to be, because according to the teachings of Jesus, seekers find what they're looking for.
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Being a Seeker

You're in good company. Seekers come in all shapes and sizes and have a variety of backgrounds. Some don't believe in God; others do believe in God, but aren't sure how to connect with Him. What all seekers have in common is the fact that they've stopped pretending they have it all together. They're open to the possibility God may exist, and more importantly, that He may want a place in their lives. They know they don't know —but they want to know. If you're a seeker, how do you go about this all-important task of pursuing God and 'His truth'?
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Some Practical Ideas for Checking-Out Christian Spirituality

In your spiritual search:

Ask God to reveal Himself, even if you're not sure He's there.
Talk to people you respect, who display a genuine relationship with God — those who obviously love Him and who live by a different set of principles.
Spend time in nature, observing and experiencing God's creation.
Question things everybody seems to take for granted — be a lover of truth.
Ask God-followers why they believe what they believe and how they know their beliefs are true.
Recognize that following God must make sense: truth may go beyond reason, but not against it.
Ask Jesus Follower friends for a list of authors who have inspired them in their life with God.
Write down your questions, especially about what you read in the Bible, and take them to a knowledgeable Jesus Follower who respects your seeking process.
Know your presuppositions — the things you already believe — and try not to let them interfere with your quest for the truth.
Stay open to actually finding what you're looking for: fear of commitment and change can keep you from finding the truth.
Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings during your search.
Know your personal issues: your past will profoundly influence your present ability to be objective.
Consider joining a group of seeking people who are also checking out Christian Spirituality.
Read the Bible — start with the New Testament (check the Table of Contents). Start with books like John, or Acts or Proverbs.
Remember that you don't have to know everything to know something. Continually evaluate your progress. Then try to reach an appropriate conclusion.
Act on what you decide.

~Content edited and Revised from Willow Creek Resources ( on website) .

Hope, Questions and Dreams

2008-12-15T13:03:00.009-07:00

Erwin McManus is lead Pastor at Mosaic Church in Los Angeles. He is a Jesus Follower who is considered to be a cultural architect. "At once a writer, futurist, activist, lecturer and artist, the El Salvador native teaches his congregation of more than 50 nationalities, to uncover and live out their God-given callings, immersing themselves in the vibrant artistic community around them."

Here are some of his thoughts to consider -- about hope, questions, and dreams:

Q: With all the injustice and tragedy in the world today, how do you keep dreaming and maintain your hope?

A: I don't maintain hope; it maintains me! I am a really hopeful person, kind of an irrational optimist about life and humanity. I know where I've come from, and I'm not going back. I see all these things we've overcome in the past and they form me. I really do believe in the power of who Jesus is, and I'm very much a mystic. My life and my relationship with Jesus are inseparable. And my life is so full of beauty.

I feel like a light or button turned on when I was only 16 years old. I was a really depressed and ungrateful person, not the guy you'd want to be around as a kid. But then we moved from Miami to North Carolina, and I decided, "I'm not going to be this depressed person anymore. I'm going to find a way to move in the opposite direction." That shift actually began before I found Jesus. It probably helped me become more open to Jesus, though, because every time I made a positive change in my life, I could tell that my sustainability wasn't great ...

Q: In my own experience, both Christians and non-Christian are asking more and more hard spiritual questions, such as why God allows so much suffering in the world. How do Christians respond to the questions people are asking?

A: If we don't go to the dark questions, then we are irrelevant. I say tell the truth and be honest. When you always say to someone, "You're going to get better" and you don't say "And sometimes you die of cancer," you're not technically lying, but you're not being a good steward of the truth either. We all go to dark places, and anyone who doesn't think they do, hasn't reflected on their thoughts long enough ... I try to be real honest at Mosaic. We talk about the violence raging inside of us, greed, anger, and dysfunction. I don't know how you can tell a story of hope unless you're laying down the whole picture. Hope isn't as attractive if the world's not that bad. When you tell the truth, it becomes a more beautiful picture.

Q: What would you say are some of the hard questions people today are struggling with?

A: I did a series on "Life's Toughest Questions," and the No. 1 question was "How Can A Loving God Allow Human Suffering?" The other one was about hell: "Hey, even if I'm evil (I mean really evil) for 70 years, isn't an eternity in hell kind of cruel and unusual punishment?" Now that's a great question!

Questions about human sexuality are huge. And a lot of people, Christians and non-Christians, have the same question but ask it differently -- "What am I supposed to do with my life?"

I think one of the driving things is the conflict of "I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something really big, but I can't find it and I feel anxious because I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers." So there's that interesting sense of desperation, that longing to be something meaningful.

Q: When you're talking, do you emphasize the tension between living your dreams on earth, and also living for heavenly reward?

A: I don't talk much about heavenly reward, to be honest... I just want to be able to go to bed at night and go -- "I've tried to be the best human I can be, and I reflected who Jesus is, and I've made the world a little better." I don't know what's going to happen when I die or how this whole thing will play out... I hope that whatever eternity looks like, it it's once again finding a way to serve and give our life away -- and resting in sacrifice and adventure because that's what's most enjoyable in life. I can't imagine an eternity without serving ... so I don't even do it for the rewards in heaven; just do it because it's the most human thing to do, the most divine thing, and most like Jesus.

This has been excerpted from an interview with Erwin McManus, in Outreach Magazine, Sept/ Oct. 2008.

2008-12-01T09:32:00.008-07:00

Why Godspot? 'A couple reasons.

I've since come to find out, it's also a theater word. A "godspot" is a stage lighting effect. The effect is created using a powerful spotlight placed directly above the stage shining almost straight down. The light is bright white and is usually directed downwards to hit a single actor, or a huddled group, or nothing. Usually there is some mysterious dry-ice smoke swirling down on the stage and through the beams of light. The effect is meant to suggest that God is present and directly watching the scenes proceeding below.

So this blog is a godspot. I like to think it's a stage with a spotlight that suggests God is present and powerful. This Godspot is a place with a view to return to; a place to stop, breathe, and think larger... about real life faith, and the questions and struggles that come with it.

I know a lot of my friends would choose to bring a different faith to their godspot. So, all faith questions and conversation are welcome here. Truly. To avoid any confusion though, I go to my godspot as a Jesus-Follower. That core faith is how I focus, and center, and get my breath back when life knocks the wind out of me. So I'll be posting very honest bottomline stuff about the how's and what's of this Jesus faith. That's what you can expect.

If you want to check out Jesus, you've probably landed yourself in the right Godspot.

Choosing Your Faith

2008-11-30T07:10:00.007-07:00

What is it that makes us aware, at least in our more honest, lying awake moments, that there really must be more to life than the flurry of activities that keeps our head spinning but our souls shrinking as we slog along, day after day, year after year?

Why is it that we often feel a longing for a truly calm and centered life, on that is more in tune with the transcendent and less caught up in the tumultuous here and now?

Where does the guilt that we sometimes grapple with emanate from -- and what can we do to alleviate those guilty feelings and the sense of spiritual inadequacy that so often weigh us down?

It's easy to criticize and even write off organized religion with some of its incompetent or even corrupt spiritual leaders and their annoying antics. These targets are obvious and hard not to hit -- but focusing on them fails to address the deeper aching of our souls, the inescapable awareness that life as we know it is not as it was intended to be, the knowledge that we need some kind of outside help to really get things right. What do we do with all that?

Maybe you can relate to some of this, but because you're suspicious of all faith, you don't feel ready to hear about how to choose one for yourself. You'd rather wait until you 'just know' -- rather than put your trust in anything. If that's how you feel, I've got to tell you something that might be a bit surprising and even unsettling: You've already got a 'faith,' and you are living by trust in that faith daily. Really.

Your beliefs determine how you live. Are you choosing wisely?... many of us spend more time reading up on, researching, and seeking wisdom about decisions that are of low-to-moderate importance -- like what bike to purchase, which car to drive, what clothes to wear, what project to tackle (you fill in the blank) -- than we do the monumental issues like where our faith is currently focused and whether it is well placed or ought to be redirected to more deserving objects and tenets of trust.

Don't you think it is worth spending some significant time reflecting on your faith? Most people never consider this. They just arbitrarily pick up and approach (or accept one that's been handed to them) and uncritically employ it to select a belief system that may or may not be the best one... I don't know where this important journey will take you -- but it's imperative that you invest real time and energy in this vital area of your life in order to make certain you choose your faith wisely. I'm confident you'll be really glad you did.

And excerpt from, "Choosing Your Faith in a World of Spiritual Options," Mark Mittleberg, 2008.

Wondering About God?

2008-11-29T16:28:00.024-07:00

Being a Seeker
You're in good company. Seekers come in all shapes and sizes and have a variety of backgrounds. Some don't believe in God; others do believe in God, but aren't sure how to connect with Him. What all seekers have in common is the fact that they've stopped pretending they have it all together. They're open to the possibility God may exist, and more importantly, that He may want a place in their lives. They know they don't know —but they want to know. If you're a seeker, how do you go about this all-important task of pursuing God and 'His truth'?

Some Practical Ideas for Checking-Out Christian Spirituality
In your spiritual search:

Ask God to reveal Himself, even if you're not sure He's there.
Talk to people you respect, who display a genuine relationship with God — those who obviously love Him and who live by a different set of principles.
Spend time in nature, observing and experiencing God's creation.
Question things everybody seems to take for granted — be a lover of truth.
Ask God-followers why they believe what they believe and how they know their beliefs are true.
Recognize that following God must make sense: truth may go beyond reason, but not against it.
Ask Jesus Follower friends for a list of authors who have inspired them in their life with God.
Write down your questions, especially about what you read in the Bible, and take them to a knowledgeable Jesus Follower who respects your seeking process.
Know your presuppositions — the things you already believe — and try not to let them interfere with your quest for the truth.
Stay open to actually finding what you're looking for: fear of commitment and change can keep you from finding the truth.
Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings during your search.
Know your personal issues: your past will profoundly influence your present ability to be objective.
Consider joining a group of seeking people who are also checking out Christian Spirituality.
Read the Bible — start with the New Testament (check the Table of Contents). Start with books like John, or Acts or Romans.
Remember that you don't have to know everything to know something.
Continually evaluate your progress. Then try to reach an appropriate conclusion.
Act on what you decide.

~Content edited and Revised from Willow Creek Resources ( on website) .

Point of Entry

2008-11-29T12:00:00.006-07:00

"You will find me if you seek me with all of your heart." ~ God

in Jeremiah, The Bible

Fly

2008-11-29T11:51:00.005-07:00

A random sketch of a fly, and the difficult flight of faith.
Written, April 2006
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Beyond the windowsill, Pikes Peak looms large, immovable, dusted with snow and pink light. On the windowsill, the same pink morning sun bathes a big clumsy black housefly. The pink makes me think it’s a she. “She” is flipped on her back, wings buzzing, frantically attempting to right herself. Legs kicking upright in the air like a big beetle. She is fighting to flip over and fly. She is a pink fly, fat and boxy. And, she is very close to falling off the edge of the sill. Thrashing wings and kicking legs, then resting, she is teetering closer and closer to a large drop. I lean in closer and squint at her many large fly eyes, “What got you in this spot? How does a fly land on her back?” Poor judgment, I decide.

She rests, and then begins the flailing struggle again. Each panicked jolt moves her closer to a fall. She is trying to save herself from her own poor clumsy choice. And, from my comfortable chair- turned- box-seat, I begin to see that her only saving option is over the edge. She needs to quit struggling and fall. One helpless trusting freefall is her only hope. She can stay there, baking to a dry death in the beautiful pink sun, or she can choose to have faith over the falling edge. And the falling edge is her best option. Because clearly, when a fly falls, flight happens. This is obvious from a box seat. But it’s less clear as a fly on a windowsill. And, as she struggles, I realize. I am that housefly; awkward and clumsy, such an unlikely candidate for flight. That pink fly is a picture of my gawky upside-down struggle. She is a perfect picture of the struggle to live a Christ- Following faith.

I bought a lie early on that has continually landed me flailing on my back like the fly. It has to do with control. It has to do with inner personal strength, and being all put-together, and having the right answers, and doing the right things. I used to think my faith needed to look like a walking advertisement of Christ-given self-sufficiency. But I’m starting to understand the lie for what it is. It’s not Christ Following. It’s controlling. There is very little control in Following Jesus. There is no self-sufficiency. I’m only supposed to follow; no matter how bad I might look in the process. Sometimes I hate that part. But, once I had a little gathering that altered my perspective.

I am a recovering clothes slob. Every few days I have to conquer the pile of clothes that accumulates at the foot of my closet. If left unattended, over the course of a week or so, a long mound of clothes and laundry begins to spread like cancer. My husband and I have to trip and step over and around it to get into the bathroom. That’s the truth. But I don’t want everybody to know that. I spent an hour or so of fast hustling to get my house clean and looking perfect, so, that I would seem perfect for the small group of women who arrived at my house. Everything was perfectly in order. This was a new group of women friends. We were going to meet to get to know each other, and talk about our faiths. I wanted them in a home setting because I wanted to start off right -- free from any 'churchy' constraints on our discussion. There were all sorts of hospitality issues to think about. And I wasn’t meant to be in charge of any of them. God set me straight.

Before the little meeting, every part of my house was spotless, except for the malignant mound of clothes around the corner in my bedroom. It was hidden from view. Nobody would need to use that bathroom. Nobody would have to climb over that laundry mountain. Nobody would know. Or so I thought. One woman brought her 6 year old son. He wasn’t feeling well. When he realized that breakfast was coming back up for a visit, the guest bathroom was occupied. So my friend, and her son, in a panicked pre-vomit rush, ran into my room. My mound of clothes slowed the sick boy’s run. He threw- up all over my clothes.

There were many things to learn from that. The bigger lesson wasn’t about laundry. It was about weakness exposed. I’m not supposed to control and eliminate the appearance of weakness. I came to realize later, of all the women that came that day, Nikki most needed to see that one very imperfect thing in my house. It matched her own weakness. She needed to know I don’t have it all together. She needed to know how I would love and accept her, even if she entered my vulnerable place and her children vomited there. She needed to see that. I really didn’t want her to. I didn’t make a noble obedient choice. That choice wasn’t left to me. But God used that vulnerable vomiting moment to reveal something a better sort of love in me. And He began building a relationship with Nikki in a way I never could have known. In that, I unpeeled new understanding of letting go of control: I have to learn to follow, even when it feels like falling. Because, God reveals Himself powerfully in those vulnerable moments.

This way-of-being plays out in many harder ways; ways that feel like being upside down with our legs scrambling in the air; ways that feel like death; ways we have to choose daily. They are the sorts of choices that land me on my back and make my pride flail on the window sill like the gangly Pink Fly. These are the crisis choices of surface struggle when the world chooses to loudly question God’s goodness. These are the circumstances which scream that God is not to be trusted. These are the moments when we steal back the control and flounder on our backs: When a job is evaporating,

or suicide is beckoning,

or addiction returns,

or a child is abused, or chronic illness goes unhealed,

or a spouse is betrayed,

or a house is burned to the ground … whatever the sin-cursed issue, in these moments of choice the most obvious need appears to be an all out surface struggle. But, something counter- intuitive must be chosen, and the fly has it. Faith isn't lived by sight. Sometimes a spiritual life has to choose in opposition to physical evidence: even if it means looking foolish, even if it all looks hopeless, even if all my weaknesses are exposed in the process, even if I end up with vomit on my clothes.
This beautiful Way is still Life, even when it feels like falling and dying.

I want to learn to embrace faith in God’s control. I want to quickly flip my flailing into graceful falling and trusting flight. I want Jesus to be evidenced in my upside-down-life on this right-side-up planet. But fact is, I still buy the surface lie. I still see the physical world first. I still control. I still doubt. I still want to look good. And I certainly haven’t figured out how to embrace dying- to- self in a way that feels more like flight, and less like the clumsy pink fly on her back trying to right herself. It takes practice to be otherwise. It takes time to be transformed.

This brings me back to the window sill. I wish every daily choice were always as obvious as the fly’s struggle. From the box-seat, it is clear. But, she doesn’t see it. Even though that fly has 1000 eyes, her physical sight is of little value. She doesn’t see that she must choose a helpless freefall. She needs to skootch all the way to the edge of reason, and choose a blind leap of faith in order to fly again. Maybe her surface struggle is a necessary means to knowing flight. And for me, maybe the physical struggles of this planet are the best access to truly seeing and knowing the one Saving God. I feel like that fly; because, a lived faith is often accompanied by a clumsy, falling, dying sensation. Like her, my best option, is usually to quit struggling, stop, trust, and just fall. Or maybe she’s just a clumsy Pink Fly who found her way to the window’s edge, and flew away. And I’m making way too much of it all.

“If anyone would come after me,
he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for me, will save it.”
~ Jesus